So this is going to be a really lame, probably embarrass myself type post.. I ordered the Genki 1 textbook and workbook since the university I’m transferring back to uses them to teach Japanese. I figured since I’m trying to self teach now I might as well get the same books the school uses and get a little head start. And since yesterday I did lesson one I felt like typing an introduction since I can now introduce myself! (Maybe..) Now please… Don’t make fun of me! I’m sure this is the most basic right out of the text sounding thing there ever was, but I’m just learning. ^^

When I do type things like this though, I would really love constructive feed back and tips. Like grammar tips and stuff. I’m not great at ‘spelling’ with Japanese so I’m sure I will make lots of errors. I also haven’t learned any kanji yet, so I’ll only be doing hirigana/katakana. But here’s my shot of basic ‘about me’ that I learned in lesson 1.

はじめまして!ホリーです。 がくせいです。 いま さんえんせいです。 せんこうはかがくです。 にじゅういちさいです。 よろしく おねがいします。

Oh goodness…I just put that into google translate (which I know isn’t actually a good translate source) but it all makes no sense! So I hope it actually doesn’t translate that bad! But I know I have to be comfortable making mistakes in the open so I can learn.

I hope everyone who is fluent in Japanese won’t be too hard on me for being so “slow” on the language. I don’t want to come off arrogant or anything of that nature. I just really want to be able to practice the things I learn in each section until I can put everything together and actually become better. So I hope everyone will be patient with me and eventually my effort and everyone’s annoyance will pay off!


Free Write/Boyfriend

Hey everyone,

I just got done doing some stats homework and felt like writing. Physics is getting really hard…I’m starting to struggle and feel pretty down about it, but stats is actually kind of fun for a ‘math’ class.

Guess what!? I can say I am a college student in Japanese! (Pathetic…I know.) But that’s one step closer to my goals, right? ^^

I saw a quote on tumblr yesterday: “If you’re dating a writer and they don’t write about you-whether it’s good or bad-then they don’t love you. They just don’t. Writers fall in love with the people we find inspiring.”

It’s true don’t you think? I never really thought of it before. I have tons of poems I’ve written about Shad since I’ve met him. Mostly depressing ones… And when I write/read them, I always feel maybe Shad deserves better than me. But the quote reminded me that that those poems are the main reason I’m with him. Because he inspires me.


I don’t think I’d have the courage to try and believe in myself if I hadn’t met Shad. Even before we became good friends, his words of encouragement/sarcasm began to shed a whole new light on the situation I was in back in high school. He made me want to start sticking up for myself. I still didn’t stick up for myself until my senior year, but I believe when I finally did, it’s the reason things are okay in that area now. (Sorry that’s all so vague.)

Even now; I still want to do my best. Of course he makes me mad sometimes, but he’s always by my side encouraging me when I really need it.


I just felt like writing it down. ^^



So… One of my biggest pet peeves is when people constantly complain about their problems. To a point of course. I understand the need to vent, but it gets to the point where I’m just like, do something about it!

But recently I have began to wonder…Do I ever take my own advice? I’ve been wondering recently if maybe I have anxiety. Since I was very small I’ve always gotten myself over worked up about situations. I stress pretty easy because I obsess for everything to be perfect. To a point where I kind of let myself go, because I’m scared I won’t be perfect.

Since I’ve come to college though I’ve been a little disappointed in myself. I suppose I’ve in a way separated myself from everyone because I’m worried they won’t accept me as I am. I don’t accept myself, so why would others? Even though I know we are our own biggest critics. I’ve always been shy. But it’s gotten to a point I don’t like.

Which is part of the reason I’ve decided to start a blog. To open up. Even though everyone who reads this will be strangers, it’s my first step to being more comfortable with myself and what I believe. And I hope everyone who feels the same way as me can relate and cope too!

I can’t say I have panic attacks or anything extreme, but goodness…I get so tense and get a tightness in my chest anytime I start to worry about something. I want to be able to accept myself again. I want to grow and become someone that I’m proud of, and that maybe other people can be proud of too. I don’t want to live in fear of what types of judgement will come from family. I don’t want to worry my friends will hate me because we don’t share ALL of the same interests.

And I also want Shad to have a girl by his side who is confident with who she is.

So…I hope to anyone reading this that might feel the same way as me, I hope you challenge yourself too!

がんばろう!♡ (I hope that’s right) ^^



If you are here from my other blog, then you can just skip reading this. I just think this blog site is a lot more organized than the one I was previously using.

I’d like to do a new introduction for this blog site.

My name is Holly. Don’t let my photo fool you; I’m not 12, I’m 21!


Who am I, I’m still not so sure. Growing up I’ve never had a true passion. I’ve never just lost myself completely in anything. And I guess that’s what I’m looking for now. Normally my most personal thoughts I have I keep locked away in private. But this year I have decided that I would like to open up a little bit of myself and hopes that others who may think like I do will realize they aren’t alone in feeling lost, and that it really is okay.

I don’t mean lost as in a depressing, woe is me style. I just mean we aren’t sure where we want to go. What we want to do. I’ve realized though that I would like to find my so-called ‘purpose’. I want to know what drives me.

For those of you who are new to reading me I don’t have too much crazy things to say. Right now my goal is to learn Japanese. It’s slow right now and I only know more basic than the basics! But I’m hoping I will reach my goals. I am planning on taking classes next year at a University, but for this year I will be self-teaching. I am hoping I will be able to study abroad before I graduate.

I guess you could call me a college kid. I’ve transferred to a community college for now in hopes of saving money. Then as I said, next year I will go back to the university where I began this journey. I’m majoring in Biological Sciences. I’m not sure what I want to do with that. I’ve just always loved animals. I have a boyfriend of 4 years, but I’m sure I’ll tell you all about him in a later post.


For the most part I will write about random things in my life and my thoughts on the world around me. At some point I hope to run a bilingual blog! So if you also know/study Japanese I would love input and corrections on the many mistakes I will make when I start out!

Until next time, take care.