Fast Fix

Hi everyone!

I feel like it’s been forever since I’ve posted something. This isn’t going to be anything interesting… Shad and I have been super busy rearranging our first place together and haven’t had internet since we have to get a router.

I did another random red inspired photo shoot so I’ll post a few for now. Looking forward to doing my August month in pictures post for you guys as well!

As soon as I have working internet, I will be editing a few more pictures from this theme and uploading them to my facebook page if you want to check them out later!

Thank you always for reading.



Just for Fun: Red Pants Photography

I’ve slowly been getting back into my normal hobbies; painting, Japanese, and of course taking pictures! Photography is something I hope to really improve on. I’m obsessed with my red pants, so I thought why not take some snaps! Forgive the risque-ish belly shot; it was part of my experimenting.




The leaves are already beginning to change where I am! As soon as things become more colorful I’m hoping to do a shoot with Shad again. Last time it was on a regular camera with not so many settings, so I’m hoping this year with my Canon I can get some better shots. Though… taking pictures yourself while being in them is pretty challenging!

Love & Other Drugs

I recently just got back into studying Japanese after my month and a half of trying to “fix” myself, but even tonight I can’t concentrate. Luckily for once it’s not because of my anxiety, rather because of the lives of some friends.

I’ve always believed that others can live the life that they choose. As I’ve said in other posts, if it doesn’t affect me, do what you please. But I still can’t help but wonder sometimes…why?

I don’t want to give specific examples to ensure the privacy of my friends; but in general; why back-stab? Why destroy yourself? WHY CHEAT?!

I understand why someone might consider cheating. You simply aren’t satisfied in your own relationship for whatever reason, or maybe you’re just curious. But the biggest thing in my opinion to have in a relationship is communication. These are feelings you MUST talk about with your partner!! I know everyone always thinks they’ll spare their partners feelings, but chances are, they’re going to find out what you’ve been slinking around doing.

Also… What happened to bros before hoes? I’ve been in situations back in high school when the people that were closest to me stabbed me in the back. But we’re supposed to be a little more mature now. Why would you tempt yourself with a friends significant other? Why would you do that to them, and even yourself? Especially for a person who neither of you will spend forever with. If someone cheats with you, more than likely they are going to cheat on you.

I feel like an outcast sometimes. At 21 I feel often I should be engaging in the activities of my peers. Why don’t I get drunk every night? Why don’t I experiment with drugs? Why don’t I try to casually hook up?

But when I sit down and truly think of it…why would I want to? I see nothing wrong with cutting loose, but for a lifestyle? There’s just so much more out there than that. I’ve always looked to my peers as an example of how not to act since high school. It seems casual sex only brings complications into your life. I’d rather be considered crazy for staying with one person my whole life.

I suppose this post isn’t so organized…I’m kind of jumping from thought to thought.

Basically, as much as I believe everyone finds their own path, it makes me sad to see my friends go through such hardships because of their own choices. Not to learn from their previous mistakes… These things just don’t make sense to me.

But I still hope for the best for everyone! And even though right now I’m dealing with my own dramas, I am glad that they know I can be a shoulder to cry on.



When Everything Falls Apart, Nature Stays the Same.

I still can’t find a way to full convey what I went through the past couple of weeks with my anxiety, so as I’m trying to keep pushing forward, I’ll simply share that kind of news with you instead of trekking back to the past.

My biggest source of “sanity” I suppose you could say has been nature.


Ever since I was a tiny tot, most of my time was spent outside. I love nature and I adore animals, and I even get the need for adventure. Ever since moving from my small town to a city for college, I’ve learned I don’t get out as much as I should. Nature is a big part of who I am, and I’m wondering if losing my connection with nature is one of the reasons I’ve become so disconnected with myself.


I can’t say there’s much to do outside in the city. Even the woods don’t feel that safe to tread alone, but even just sitting outside my little house, I feel more at ease. I truly need to take the time to notice these little things again. Growing up nature brought me comfort; I think I need to let it comfort me once again.


We were getting a lot of rain last week and the area outside my place was covered in these snails! I had never seen blue snails before. This one was so tiny and so cute. I think seeing all of these snails was the first time that I had felt really happy since this all began. I felt wonder and hope for myself. It still scares me to think of hope. But every time I see something new in nature; something beautiful; I can’t help but feel that way.


Even sitting outside of a friends house brings a sense of peace. My friends can all enjoy a few beers, while I enjoy a friendly furry face with my toes in the grass. Sure, kids my age don’t understand why I don’t partake in the booze filled life as often as most, but this I think is what makes me happy. Moments like this. Look at this dogs smiley face!

Shad has finally caved in and said we can get a puppy! It could be up to a year until we get the type of puppy that I want, but it gives me something to look forward to.

I know it sounds cheesy and cliche, but truly…When you feel like you’ve hit rock bottom and nothing in life makes sense; spend some time outside. Sometimes nature can heal even the deepest of wounds. I know I would be lost with out it. I can’t wait to leave the city one day and surround myself in what I truly believe is important.

I hope you all are well. Take care! :3

July Picture Post

I haven’t posted in a bit. I’ve had quite an extreme past week. I don’t feel 100% ready to write and explain it, but in short my anxiety suddenly hit the roof.

But I wanted to do a little picture post since another month has flown by.


My boyfriends pal started doing this thing called poi about a year ago I believe he said, and Shad quickly got interested and started getting into a few months ago. Both of them are hoping to spin fire! Shad has even got me practicing. I only started a couple of days ago, but I can do a couple of tricks. (Sloppily of course.) Glow poi are my favorite to watch, but the fire poi is something spectacular. There is one girl that can do a fire hula hoop!


I also learned about something special this month. McDonald’s after midnight!! I can get a cheeseburger and a hash brown!? In high school I dreamed of the day McDonald’s would serve breakfast earlier, and it has arrived!


I upgraded my phone to a Galaxy SIII. I adore it as much as one could like technology. Also a bit about anxiety. I took this yesterday; day 7 with hardly any sleep.


I’m a child at heart and it has played a huge role in how I deal with my anxiety. I’ve made a fort in my living room and am trying to surround myself with things I love. Art/video games/Simba/ and pillows. And of course friends, family, and Shad.


Shad has been more supportive than I could have ever dreamed and I’m so grateful to have him here. I’ve also been able to bond with my older sister in a way I’ve been missing for awhile. So I guess some good things have come from my anxiety.


I took my last exam for the summer yesterday so I’m hoping the rest of summer I can learn to relax and cope with some big decisions I have to make.

I hope all of your lives are going well and you too try and find the best in any sour situation you may find yourself in. If I’m learning anything from my situation it’s that in order to keep pushing forward you just have to keep finding something to push forward to. Good luck everyone!

Photography: Paint Inspired

I’m obsessed with art. Generally I lack originality; meaning usually I see something that I like and I think “I can do that.” So I re-create the art and often tweek things and add my own details. I figure why would I buy something I could do myself? Though I’m envious of those who can draw so freely from their own imagination. As decent as I can be at a re-creation, often when I try to draw from what I see in my head it’s all squiggles. Y-Y

In the past year I’ve grown to really like photography. Completely amateur of course. Like most of the world today I do partake in the “selfie” craze; though if I’m going to post pictures of myself, why not make it interesting? Here’s a little bit to show of my boredom yesterday with some description under each.Image

Inspired by Robert Frost’s Fire and Ice. This was my first time playing with a photo editor I found online. I’ve always wished I was born with blue eyes! If I ever get better at photo editing, I have some great ideas still for this theme!


Those who have never known true love will always feel hate. I’m a huge supporter of equal rights. It isn’t about “gay marriage” or “gay rights” to me; it’s about equality.


I just thought this one looked kind of cool. It was from the rainbow tears theme, but I really like it in black and white. The eyes just seem really bold like they are trying to say something, but since they are mine, I still view them as sad. Then the paint kind of looks like dark tears, so it just all around interested me.

Hope you at least found these amusing! :3