Animals Are My Passion

I guess when we all take off to college or rather in general when we leave home for the first time, ultimately we all share one big challenge; What do we want to do for the rest of our lives?

That’s such a hard question…I entered college thinking I would do psychology. But since I’m such an emotional person, I didn’t think I’d be able to follow the rules. I’d be too connected and passionate about the people I’d work with, and I wouldn’t know how to separate their problems from my own life. Then I thought…Interior design would be cool! But I can’t create art under pressure. It’s a hobby for me.

But then now we must ask ourselves…Do I want to make really good money? Or do I want to love my job? I think I’m finally accepting that I need to do what makes me happy. I want to be with animals.

I’m not sure if it’s from something I’ve posted on my blog or if it was a personal journal entry, but I’ve written before how I used to plan to run away with wolves when I was little. I really thought it was possible! Ever since I was very small animals have been my everything. I’ve never been able to connect with people the way I connect with animals.

Maybe that’s odd. Maybe it’s something I shouldn’t feel happy about; but I am. Nature…Plants, animals, air, even the bugs; they mean so much to me. I want these things apart of my every day life.

I’m hoping within the next year to get myself much more informed and active in current situations. I’ve always felt passionately about these things, but have never actually educated myself on what I can do to help. As I study in college to obtain my degree in Biological Sciences, I hope to gain much more insight through hands on experience. Personally, I feel that’s much more important than a college education.

I’m not sure exactly what I want to do as far as a specific job title…But I have time to figure out what’s best for me. But it makes me happy to realize whether I’m being paid or not, I could make a difference. Every animals life holds value to me. I think all animals deserve respect. Obviously bears couldn’t come shopping at our local malls, but I find it so disgusting human beings feel the need to kill anything that may or may not cause a threat. (But that’s a whole other rant.)

I just felt like doing a quick post. Enjoy your morning/afternoon/evening/night!

~And remember, if you’re looking for a new family member, there are so many loveable animals in shelters waiting for people like you. Make their dreams come true. ❤

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Free Write: Challenge.

As you all know I’ve been dealing with some stressful moments.

But I’m trying to focus on the good that I’ve been learning. How much I’m trying to grow.

I think learning to accept myself is the biggest challenge of my life. Will I ever stop feeling insecure? No, I don’t think so. Will I ever stop trying to be “perfect”. Of course not. Those are what make me, me. However, I can learn to accept them as positive traits, rather than issues that hold me back.

It’s really hard…For me to push on as if the world is spinning and my life is truly in my own hands. To pretend that everything is fine. I’m not even sure when I’m pretending or what is real anymore. But I think it’s a start.

I have so much still I need to work on. I have so much self building I must do. But part of me is actually beginning to be excited about it. I’ve always been scared to find myself… I know when I was a tot; before I became so broken down; I could be a brat.

But that’s just it…Even if I am a brat. Even if I am quiet. Even if I don’t pretend something I find boring amuses me. I can’t deny I truly believe I’m a kind person.

I was constantly told I was a bad person. Constantly told I was manipulative, selfish, a bitch. I hadn’t even reached the age of ten yet. I hadn’t even had the chance to grow and discover myself before it was pointed out for me.

But looking back…maybe sometimes I was those things…But I was always there for people. I was always a shoulder to cry on. I was always there to give advice and a helping hand.

I don’t want harsh words like that to continue to hold me back.

I want to grow.

I want to be the misunderstood, quiet, shy, slightly mean, sarcastic, animal loving, big hearted, untrusting, artistic, poetic, mysterious person that I believe I was always meant to be.

I want to trust in myself. I want to believe in my decisions. I can never cut certain things out of my life, but I don’t have to let them rule me.

I want to accept that I can carve my own path like water.

I’m terrified. But I think I’m ready.

August Picture Post!

みんな こんにちは!

Don’t let me fool you… I still haven’t made much progress on Japanese unless I’m looking in the book. But it’ll come in time, especially once I take classes!

Well…I have internet now! So I can do my August Picture Post. There might be a lot this time…I feel like I’ve hardly wrote this month…So much going on! And still a lot I’m working on with myself.

Firstly, Shad and I have our own place!

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Normally kids our age are throwing parties, but we’ve just been silly like this. This past weekend we were in our home town gathering up things so we can finally get everything set up and make our place liveable. My former roommate had brought most of things so when she moved out, we lived like this:

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And a lot of McDonald’s…How I’m thin.. I’m still not sure! But my grandma gave us our first set of china! I never thought I’d be excited about dishes, but they’re beautiful!

I also saved a kitten!

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Sort of… One of my younger sisters snuck him into our parents home a few weeks ago. My parents don’t want any more pets since after Rascal past, they already have 4 dogs and two cats. I was worried they would end up throwing the kitten out on the street, so I brought him home with me! Sadly we aren’t keeping him since we already plan on getting a dog… But my older sister who lives near me is adopting him! I’m really sad to part with him. I love him so much. But I’m glad he will be close. I think a furry baby would also be well for my sister. And my Yoru has a cousin to have play dates with!

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It will be Yoru’s first birthday on Friday! In November we will have had her for one whole year. She’s all grown up and cat like now. She’s turned into a daddy’s girl, so I’m hoping our puppy will like to play with me. (I think she’s also jealous right now the kitten always cuddles next to me.)

As for me… I’m still trying to find pleasure in all the little things. Still living one day at a time.

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It’s getting a little easier. I don’t stress too much since I’m practicing never having “set” plans. School also begins next week. I’m very nervous that I won’t be able to handle the class stress…but still excited too. We’ll see how it goes!

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I’m still thinking of fun pictures to do, but I think I’ll close my facebook page. It seems weird having one. So when I want to share pictures it’ll just be here!

Always, thanks for reading! :3

またね

Fast Fix

Hi everyone!

I feel like it’s been forever since I’ve posted something. This isn’t going to be anything interesting… Shad and I have been super busy rearranging our first place together and haven’t had internet since we have to get a router.

I did another random red inspired photo shoot so I’ll post a few for now. Looking forward to doing my August month in pictures post for you guys as well!

As soon as I have working internet, I will be editing a few more pictures from this theme and uploading them to my facebook page if you want to check them out later!

https://www.facebook.com/pages/CupofTee/146966418836704

Thank you always for reading.

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Just for Fun: Red Pants Photography

I’ve slowly been getting back into my normal hobbies; painting, Japanese, and of course taking pictures! Photography is something I hope to really improve on. I’m obsessed with my red pants, so I thought why not take some snaps! Forgive the risque-ish belly shot; it was part of my experimenting.

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The leaves are already beginning to change where I am! As soon as things become more colorful I’m hoping to do a shoot with Shad again. Last time it was on a regular camera with not so many settings, so I’m hoping this year with my Canon I can get some better shots. Though… taking pictures yourself while being in them is pretty challenging!

Love & Other Drugs

I recently just got back into studying Japanese after my month and a half of trying to “fix” myself, but even tonight I can’t concentrate. Luckily for once it’s not because of my anxiety, rather because of the lives of some friends.

I’ve always believed that others can live the life that they choose. As I’ve said in other posts, if it doesn’t affect me, do what you please. But I still can’t help but wonder sometimes…why?

I don’t want to give specific examples to ensure the privacy of my friends; but in general; why back-stab? Why destroy yourself? WHY CHEAT?!

I understand why someone might consider cheating. You simply aren’t satisfied in your own relationship for whatever reason, or maybe you’re just curious. But the biggest thing in my opinion to have in a relationship is communication. These are feelings you MUST talk about with your partner!! I know everyone always thinks they’ll spare their partners feelings, but chances are, they’re going to find out what you’ve been slinking around doing.

Also… What happened to bros before hoes? I’ve been in situations back in high school when the people that were closest to me stabbed me in the back. But we’re supposed to be a little more mature now. Why would you tempt yourself with a friends significant other? Why would you do that to them, and even yourself? Especially for a person who neither of you will spend forever with. If someone cheats with you, more than likely they are going to cheat on you.

I feel like an outcast sometimes. At 21 I feel often I should be engaging in the activities of my peers. Why don’t I get drunk every night? Why don’t I experiment with drugs? Why don’t I try to casually hook up?

But when I sit down and truly think of it…why would I want to? I see nothing wrong with cutting loose, but for a lifestyle? There’s just so much more out there than that. I’ve always looked to my peers as an example of how not to act since high school. It seems casual sex only brings complications into your life. I’d rather be considered crazy for staying with one person my whole life.

I suppose this post isn’t so organized…I’m kind of jumping from thought to thought.

Basically, as much as I believe everyone finds their own path, it makes me sad to see my friends go through such hardships because of their own choices. Not to learn from their previous mistakes… These things just don’t make sense to me.

But I still hope for the best for everyone! And even though right now I’m dealing with my own dramas, I am glad that they know I can be a shoulder to cry on.

 

またね。♡