I sat the other day and re-read through all of the posts I sent in to my school’s study abroad blogging page. I reconnected with my thoughts from last year, and observed how much things have changed, what I’ve learned, and how I grew during that time abroad. And especially how every.single.day I long for that same feeling.
It’s the middle of summer and the start of a big change. As I’m sure it’s been noted, I’ve had a year of not much motivation and so much self doubt. I try not to regret my time spent, but I’ve reflected on the past year of being back in America and strive not to stay this way. Something I gained while abroad, and somehow lost when I returned was my confidence. From what I wear, how I speak, the things I do. Since returning to America, I’ve been second guessing myself and missing many opportunities thinking that I can’t have it all.
So I’d like to return to living boldly. However, this time, in a less selfish manner as I had done abroad. I’ve tried to focus on the best things out of the past two years and figure out how to take those things into my next chapter.
So I’m moving in just a few weeks. I’ve found something that feels special to me, so it’s becoming harder to leave, but I am so excited, and deeply grateful for the path that has been provided to me right now. I have a chance to focus purely on my financial gains with out the stress of renting a place. Which is HUGE when you think about how much money goes towards such a simple thing.
I’ve been given a chance to focus on my dreams and figure out what to do with them. And right now that means seeing so much and helping others. The world is so bright and beautiful outside of the hatreds that people hold. So many amazing people exist in this world. So many rich cultures and stunning views… I want to seek those things out. And I’m hoping that I can keep the people I hold special beside me during this venture too.
Doubt from ourselves and the people in our lives and from society are always lingering around in the air and can be so incredibly suffocating most days… But I want to keep my head above those rocky waters and float on towards feelings much more beautiful.