Recently I have let too much negativity into my life.
It’s so easy to be caught up in the hate of others. When someone comes into your life that complains every single day about the most pointless of things… it’s hard to keep a happy face. Soon you find yourself looking around hating on everything too. It’s been awhile since I have been around a person this way. So I guess I’ve been caught off guard.
But as always, I only want to learn.
My mom always called me a rebel wise old soul. I’m starting to understand what she means. I can only put in my best work. That’s what I should be judged on. Who I am inside, what I feel or say, should not take away from how hard I try to do my best. But I guess because I believe in a free life, it confuses others and threatens them.
Every step is a step toward learning more. Already I feel I could die and have no regrets. But since I guess it’s not my time just yet, I want to keep living this way. People can’t understand me. They can’t understand that sometimes some of us have to live differently. I tried to fit a mold before… And I decided then that my best option at happiness was to jump in front of a train.
People that see me now, they couldn’t imagine that. On the outside, you know nothing about a person. And it’s hard to tell others, “I literally do not give a fuck what other people think of me.”
People want to be respected…? I think people just want to have power. There is the respect in a sense of, “oh, this is your personal space.” And the respect as in, “I will listen to you.” And also the respect of, “You’re a good person. Despite all I know about you.” People hide themselves to earn respect in the third sense. I don’t find respect in that at all. I respect those that are honest to the core. They fess up about the “awful” things that they do, and you can still see into their heart and know, they are a good person.
That’s the respect I think matters if you want to judge a person. And I won’t ever lie to myself or to others to earn it.
See. I always have to admit this. I am a child.
A child of streets, abandon, love, nature, the world, this universe. I will forever remain a child. People can hate me and scold me and have no respect for me all they want to. I will love them just the same. Because I love myself as I am. And it must be hard to be trapped inside oneself that much. I was there once too.
I think that life is about play. Everyone makes it about work, and I believe that’s why so much of the world is unhappy. We become zombies to earn respect and to earn money and have the world perceive us as worthy individuals.
I would rather be an outcast. There is nothing in the world worth that to me.
Life is simply a game.
I’ve grown up always hearing that I’m immature, unrealistic, childish, selfish, etc. All of these people telling me this are telling me to stop playing. Do you want to know what happens on the day I stop playing? My death.
So I’m looking forward to playing pretend. And I’m looking forward to July when I can start a new game.
Thank you to everyone that is always supporting me and playing with me. And thank you to those that recently have accepted me so kindly into your family.
I may be a child, but the happiness of others is worth every sneer.