Most of us struggle with this concept, don’t we? Many of us feel so strongly about being alone. How much we want to accept that in this world we are alone anyway, so why not embrace it? We love to be alone. We don’t care, because we know no one else could ever care. And yet we feel so distraught because in our comfortable solitude, suddenly, we feel lonely.
Lonely is the most disgusting feeling. Lonely is worse than love. Why? Because the simple act of feeling lonely makes you act so stupid. You reach out, you let down walls, you give yourself away, because you think, I just don’t want to be alone anymore. When you do these things, you think you love someone. And you think that that person cares about you, simply because they listened and held you and wiped your tears away.
But they were just lonely too.
So, you get to become a modern day “Good-Luck, Chuck”. Have you seen the movie? In short, these people that you hide loneliness with will always find someone special after you. And what choice do you have but to be happy for them. “I’m glad we could have this time together. I love you so much, so I am so glad that you found someone that can properly chase away your loneliness.”
The only way you know how to cope is to be alone again. You vow to take care of yourself. You vow to try harder. You remember how bright the sky looks when you walk this world on your own. You become happy, well, at least the closest to it you can be. You accept again that even though your heart may always be in pain, as long as you are doing the things for yourself that should make you smile, it’s going to be okay.
But then, out of nowhere, you’re lonely again. Someone crosses your path who you feel could understand you. Maybe the most scary thing is, they do. They’ll become special. And then they will leave you feeling more broken than the person before them. And the cycle continues. Maybe forever.
So I guess somewhere in this stupid existence there has to be some kind of balance. Some way to be alone but fight away lonely.