Chats with my dad are something I have always held extremely valuable. I remember growing up with my single dad and we never really had to say much. He was this super cool guy and I was a weird little girl. From what I remember mostly our time was spent over going to the theatre and spending our nights with ice cream and some Mt. Dew.
It was the life I loved, just my dad and I. As I grew up our relationship changed intensely, but now I as I grow to care less about the past and more about the future, I find that my dad is even cooler than I had thought as a wee one.
It’s funny how that happens. As kids, who would have thought that our parents had lives?
My dad was 23 or 24 when I was born. That’s my age range! I can’t imagine having a rugrat running around right now. And yet, all of the stories he can tell me about his life leave me feeling excited to live my own.
There’s something about hearing a dad say, “I’m proud of you” that just hits every cord in your body. I wonder why… It’s not something I heard much living at home, but through out this past year, my dad always some how takes a moment to tell me.
Whether it be talking about the day of my birth, or bragging to friends about my plans, or even saying to me, “you’ve become a whole new person”. As I near my departure for Japan, these words my dad and I exchange over classic rock music make me want to try even harder.
It’s my insecurities that say this, but I always think… what are you even proud of? Lots of people go abroad. Lots of kids finish college. I’m late to graduate, I don’t want to marry or have kids, and let’s be honest… for as “smart and mature” as I am, I’m also equally a little shit.
But still… my dad is impressed by me. You can actually see it in his eyes, so as much as I was want to say he is just humouring me, I know that he truly believes his words.
And for the first time I know that anything I do in life, my dad will be proud of me. To any country I visit, any job that I have, he will still brag about me and make it sound as if I am the only child in the world that could have done it.
Yeah.. I have to tell myself many times a day to get through my anxiety fits, “live this life for you”, however… as much as I wish I could be, I can never make myself to be so selfish. So knowing I have my dad’s support… I know that this path I’m choosing to walk isn’t just for me. It’s for my dad, and anyone who has ever believed in me.