I always go to start these things as, “Lately I’ve been feeling…” But should I be using the word “lately” when it’s something that is mostly constant. Instead of “Lately I’ve been dealing with anxiety” it should be “Lately, I’ve been in a good mood.”
“Lately I’ve been struggling with who I am.” It’s not at all a “lately” thing. It’s an every day thing. But in these moments, it feels the most confusing. It seems that when everything goes well, I feel the worst. I’m gaining a lot of experience in my volunteer internship position. I was awarded a scholarship today for study abroad. And yet… I’m feeling so empty.
All I can do is photograph. Somehow try to get out these sick irrational feelings.
Words have been surrounding me. “I will never love someone, but I want someone to love me.” “I’m sorry for everything.” “When something isn’t directly in front of me, I don’t make it a priority.” “I hope you find what you’re looking for.”
All I’ve done… It’s been for this. I wanted this. I wanted this proof. But I didn’t want to think I could trust someone. We really can’t help it can we? To want to trust and be loved no matter what we actually feel inside.
Irrationality and logic. Always fighting.