I’ve noticed something common with two people I used to hold very dear to my heart. People call it caring or even love, but I can’t accept that. I’ve noticed that if someone comes to know me, they just want me to change. It’s always their version of “happiness” I’m supposed to adopt and live.
I tried really hard once. To fit everything a person a told me to be. Laugh and smile more. Talk more. Dress conservatively. Keep your eyes level. I became a very miserable person.
Not long ago I was told seemingly similar things. Cut your hair. Wear more make-up. Talk to people. Don’t be negative.
Of course, some of these things I have adopted into my outward appearance. But if you were in my head, of course I am just the person I am. Maybe it’s true. Maybe I do cause myself unnecessary pain sometimes. But the these small things I notice by looking down. Not squashing the bugs beneath my feet. Saving slugs and worms from the sidewalk. Seeing plants begin to bloom in Spring. And those times that I do look up… the wonderful sky that I love so much.
Just because I have no faith in people does not mean I don’t see the beauty and happiness in the world. Of course I love to hear a person’s thoughts on me. But I am who I am. And I’ve learned I will never try to fit another person’s mould of me again.
Enjoy the days where everything looks like art.