Suddenly, I clicked into a decent mood. You guys know I operate on a roller coaster. One week I’m just working to get by, then suddenly I’m on this motivational rampage set to change every corner of my life into a positive thing.
Lately I’ve written a lot about my friend who moved to Tokyo. Last night I went to the first social gathering since he’s been gone. It was a little empty feeling I can’t deny, but today I realised; all of these people are still here. I can’t neglect them just because I am sad about one person.
It’s hard because I have that stigma.. everyone leaves. So of course the person I have been closest to has left. That’s how I felt. What’s the point in getting really close to others? But I think… people such as my friend are rare. Of all the people I’ve met to this point there is only one other that falls in the same category as amazing person in every way. So I should just cherish it. I should continue on the path I’m carving this year because look how far it has gotten me already.
Also, with Valentine’s Day being yesterday I feel really strongly today about being single. I don’t think it’s for everyone. And I truly think it’s beautiful when people find someone they want to spend their life with. I was sad a lot recently. There is no one for me. I felt that. But look how much I can do on my own! Look how much freedom I have! And I will have my dearest friends to share those things with.
I want to become the best me. I want to work hard in school. It’s such a challenge right now, but I want to do well. I want to get better at Japanese. I’ve realised lately that my listening skills are the worst. My speaking is awful too on the spot… so I have a lot to practice. And I want to believe in myself.
I want to believe the things that people say to me. “No one hates you.” “You are capable of anything you put your mind to.” “You aren’t a bad person.” I want to at least recognise these things even if I still have my down days. I want to be confident and finish my college career strong. And I want to go on and excel in the work force.
I’ll keep pushing for these things. It seems I falter for shorter periods of time lately, and I want to make it even less so.
Thank you everyone for your support and listening to me for all this time. I want to make everyone proud of me.