I feel that I’m a little pathetic. You know… you tell yourself all the facts, but still just go with it anyway? I’ve been doing that the past few months. I blame it on human nature. We’re lonely, right? Maybe I wanted to be like everyone else. Maybe I wanted to know what if felt like to be a normal person.
But it doesn’t really feel any different. To have friends, to love people. It all hurts the same as having no one. So I can’t sleep anymore. Because I can’t decide what one is better. Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye.
Normally… I let people just use me up. But it seems this time instead maybe I used them too. It doesn’t feel any better. So my heart hurts again. Because everyone leaves and love doesn’t exist. Right?
The only thing I can be grateful for is that I want to push on. I’m in so much pain… it’s honestly a little sad. Okay… Really sad. I shouldn’t care at all. I think I will turn it off for while.
These feelings… they can’t be helped. So. What now? I think I will retreat into myself for some time. What do I mean to anyone? Nothing really. And I won’t allow my loneliness to accept comfort again. Because that is not the way either. I think that if I’m supposed to be selfish, it should be done alone. I don’t want to ever use others.
What’s the point in just friends?
I think for now, I want to be alone.