I’ve Done It Again

I feel that I’m a little pathetic. You know… you tell yourself all the facts, but still just go with it anyway? I’ve been doing that the past few months. I blame it on human nature. We’re lonely, right? Maybe I wanted to be like everyone else. Maybe I wanted to know what if felt like to be a normal person.

But it doesn’t really feel any different. To have friends, to love people. It all hurts the same as having no one. So I can’t sleep anymore. Because I can’t decide what one is better. Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye.

Normally… I let people just use me up. But it seems this time instead maybe I used them too. It doesn’t feel any better. So my heart hurts again. Because everyone leaves and love doesn’t exist. Right?

The only thing I can be grateful for is that I want to push on. I’m in so much pain… it’s honestly a little sad. Okay… Really sad. I shouldn’t care at all. I think I will turn it off for while.

These feelings… they can’t be helped. So. What now? I think I will retreat into myself for some time. What do I mean to anyone? Nothing really. And I won’t allow my loneliness to accept comfort again. Because that is not the way either. I think that if I’m supposed to be selfish, it should be done alone. I don’t want to ever use others.

What’s the point in just friends?

I think for now, I want to be alone.

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3 thoughts on “I’ve Done It Again

  1. Hey – There is NOTHING WRONG with being alone. Many times this is the best thing for us, to work through some stuff and rediscover direction in life. Also there is no such thing as a normal person – this person does not exist!

    Lastly, if nothing else, you mean something to me!!!! ❤ Your honesty in writing, although sad, is still commendable, and I would love to engage in dialogue with you at some time.

    Take care,

    -Paul

  2. It is okay to have your own “me” time at the moment. I am having a “me” time right now and its good. We will always have the bad/sad times…

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