I know I posted earlier about not posting for awhile, but I had a break down tonight.
Is it just me? Are people really shit, or am I just shit? I can’t figure it out. I think it’s mostly me… I tried so incredibly hard to just see the good in others. We all have flaws. There’s no point in focusing on those. But I’m selfish. I am so incredibly selfish when I want something. I don’t know how to not take things to heart.
So I push people away and I ruin things. I tried… But maybe some of us are just drifters in this life. I wonder a lot, can I still be happy with out these relationships? Do I need things like friends? Do I need a significant other?
Regardless of how selfish I am, I think boys are shit. (No offense). Despite how incredibly amazing some people I have met are, they are still awful boyfriend types. But hanging out with someone hurts as much as being in a relationship with someone. I did learn that. I don’t think there is a such thing as being an important person to some one. Not for me. Because I have unreachable standards. That is no one’s fault besides my own.
Part of me really doesn’t care right now. The semester has begun and I have tons of studying to do. I have to finish out my work situation so I can work as much as possible while still being able to balance studying.
I don’t need anyone… I want to know that. I don’t want to need anyone. I will cherish the moments I have had. I will remember them as a good thing. But from now on out, I need to know how to take care of myself, because in the end that is all I have.