眠ることができない

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Tonight I can’t sleep. It could be because I’ve had a lot of pizza recently. Gluten does this too me. It could be because I had a panic attack last night. (See gluten again) It could be because my close friend got something he’s been hoping for. (I am happy too, just not ready to say good-bye.)

I’m restless. Despite being a pessimistic person, for once, I feel like I am capable of anything. Guess what… I finished my semester with a 3.86! It’s not the 4.0 I aimed high for, but look how close I was. This raised my crummy gpa from before a little past the minimum to qualify me to study abroad. So after next semester I will surely I have over a 3.0! I wish I didn’t have to make up for a past mistake, but I am happy my hard work paid off.

Speaking of paid off… I had to cut back to one job over the semester and minimal hours at my lab job which has left me so broke! But still I’ve been using the last of my money to buy gifts for everyone for Christmas. It doesn’t feel right not giving to the people who are giving to me. I have left my lab job for a little lesser of a job on my new campus. I don’t start until January so it’ll be a rough rest of December cash wise…especially with New Years approaching. ;3

But with all of these things, these happy feelings and anxieties, I am trying to remember that I need to give myself a break. I keep feeling like I am failing still. Like I’m not trying my hardest. Like, ‘okay I did good, but it’s not good enough’. I guess that’s the type I am. I’ve never felt good enough… But I want to keep trying to at least like myself most of the time.

So for Winter Break I will try to focus on my health and study some Japanese and enjoy this time I have until the next semester begins. In January I should have an interview for study abroad.. wish me luck?

Thank you always for your support. There are 300 of you now! I can’t believe it!

I’m hoping I’ll get some decent photos up this break as well. I’ve been inspired by my favourite model Jen Humphrey!

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