The past few days birds of all kinds have been swarming in the skies to head south for the Winter. I’m dreading that this means we will begin wave two of the snow storms. But as you know, looking to the sky is the one thing that can always bring a sense of relief to me. I feel as if I can breathe and like for just a moment, everything is at peace. There is something about the sky that soothes me.
Watching and listening to all the birds fly away has always made me feel small and trapped. I think we all feel ‘I want to fly away’ sometimes. I’m uncertain what it means to be free. But this morning when I walked out into the unusually mild air and looked to the sky, I felt, free.
I had an interesting night. Because of pinky promises I am not at liberty to detail. But the more nights I spend with people the more I realize the importance of others in ones life. It’s not easy for me to accept that kind of thing. I still think.. everyone is untrustworthy. Everyone leaves. I am alone. I don’t think those feelings will ever fade. But for the first time today I thought, having friends you can laugh about anything with is fun. And I was happy for a moment.
Typically I’m a person who regrets every action and obsesses over the feelings of others even when it’s not my concern. I am trying to lessen that and worry more about myself and how my actions effect my feelings. Others should be aware of their own choices and consequences. It shouldn’t be my responsibility is what I need to learn. ‘To live with out regrets’ is a quote you hear a lot in America. I think that, as with most words, the point gets skewed too much. But I think I might understand a little to what it means now.
I want to have the type of friends that I can do anything with no matter what others think or say. The type of friends who support me and I support them. We can have silly secrets to laugh about and remember these times forever.
This has been the semester of a life time for me.