It’s interesting all the ways you can love people. But I guess really confusing too. Those of you that have been here since the start probably have read so many times how I don’t believe in romantic love. I don’t believe in, for me at least, a love between two people. Maybe it’s the insecurities I have within myself. But I think mostly it’s knowing how my own mind works.
I feel like a pure love means you have eyes for no one else besides one person. But I think that loving people is a wonderful thing. I don’t ever feel romantic love towards people, but I feel a love in the sense that, I hope I can be by your side and make you smile sometimes. Some might think that means love. But it’s not for me. I want to make people smile, and I want to be able to smile because I think of someone. But I like hoping in my heart that they will meet someone truly perfect for them and that they’ll find a ‘pure’ love. Whatever that is to them.
I wonder sometimes if I’ll be sad one day that this is the way that I love. I’m always ready and happy to let go in hopes that a person will find so much more happiness. But should I be sad if that makes me happy? I guess not. I think the only thing that is hard for me is that others do not understand. I like to love people in my own weird way, but it becomes complicated because the other person can mis-read you. If a person could love me in the same way that I love, I think that would be okay. But people are weak for love and want to believe that they are the only one in the world. I don’t want anyone to feel that I’m their only person in the world. I don’t want someone to like me in that way because I will wander away eventually.
I’m not sure why I’m really writing about this. I just thought… This is how I’m feeling today. I am having the privilege to meet many interesting people this year. And having these feelings of love towards so many is overwhelming. I want the best for everyone. I think it is a little sad that this year will end and we all go back to our own paths. But I am glad that for the time our paths are crossing.
I think no matter how you express it, or what others think, feeling love for others is a good thing. I’m glad I’m not as afraid of these feelings as I once was. I want to be happy for every experience. I want to understand that nothing lasts forever, but I will always have my feelings to hold onto. For so long I’ve only ever known to hold onto the bad ones because I didn’t know any better. I want to have these memories of love instead.