If you are already in a long distance relationship, or about to go into one, and are nervous, I advise you don’t read this post. Everyone’s situation is different, but these are my thoughts and observations.
Something interesting I’ve noticed lately is how easily everyone cheats. I spend the most of my time with foreign exchange students, and other students from my university who have traveled to Japan. Most of them say they have someone back in Japan, yet… they all hook up with people here in the states.
I ask many Japanese; ‘Are casual hook-ups common in Japan?” Most of them say no, not really. But I guess being in America and being surrounded by students who live life loosely, I suppose it can rub off?
My curse is that I am a person that loves to observe. I like knowing about others. Maybe because I don’t tend to share things about myself to them. Maybe because I think if I can understand everyone, I will one day understand myself. I’m not sure. But thinking about everything is a heavy burden.
As I sat alone last night to catch my breathe I observed the room around me. People kissing everywhere. Sometimes in groups. I don’t dislike anyone who acts that way, I think you should do what you like if you’re not hurting someone. But I kept hearing things like ‘my girlfriend in Japan’ , ‘my boyfriend in Japan’. And for the first time I was so grateful that if I get accepted to study abroad, I’ve already been broken up with.
I think it must be hard… To go far away and not have that person to hold you. I’m sure you miss their touch and you think it’s okay to find a substitute to make you feel better. But I don’t understand it. Things like relationships and love aren’t at all what I had hoped they would be. I am feeling my six year old self that vowed to never be in love was smart.
But I can’t help but have a bit of love for everyone. For all those people that make mistakes. I understand why they would. I see why it’s possible. And I wonder, if it were me, would I make the same mistakes too? Sometimes I wish I lived loosely and didn’t care for consequences. But my mind does not allow me to be that type of person. Even when my mind shouldn’t be working straight like last night, when it comes down to it, my mind can separate itself from me it seems. I am not allowed to take risks like that.
And I think I’m grateful. Though I think most would view my thoughts as sad, I feel I would rather know that people are not strong. People do not know how to control themselves. I would never want to hurt someone in that way. And I don’t plan to let anyone hurt me that way again.