Conversations.

“And have you acted on these feelings?”

“Yeah…”

“I see… how do you feel about it?”

“I mean, I normally don’t care. Normally it’s fun. I do it, and then I feel better for awhile. It’s controlled. But now it’s controlling me it seems. I just want to keep going. Before it had order. It was very neat and OCD like. But now I don’t care. I act how I’m feeling inside and I just want to keep going.”

“What’s it do for you?”

“It makes me smile. It’s not that I want to hurt or anything. It’s just… interesting. I like to watch it. I just lay there and watch. It entertains me. I always feel like a bad person… My search for entertainment makes me feel like… I don’t deserve others company. Like they are too good for me. People don’t deserve to be in the presence of me because I ruin everything. And if I don’t ruin it, they turn out to be shit first. So I just do things for entertainment.”

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