Yesterday I went against all I normally do. Typically the weekends are for locking away from the world these days. But yesterday I was invited to go to a haunted house with two girls from my class and a few of the Japanese exchange students. Normally I would never go to a haunted house. I’m easily frightened and I was worried what if I have a panic attack? But I had a very amazing time. I’m becoming happy knowing that most times when I take risks good things come from it.
Then around midnight I was invited out to a party. I mostly wanted to stay home because I didn’t really know anyone at the party very well and felt I would just sit alone and leave after ten minutes in awkwardness. But I decided to push myself again and asked the two girls from class to join me.
I had the most fun last night that I’ve had in awhile. It wasn’t awkward at all! Everyone was very nice and though I can’t be sure everyone remembers everything, I got to talk to many new people. I lived across from campus however and was far too wavy to walk home. So next thing I knew it was 5 a.m. A soccer ball rolled across the floor and I disappeared into the couch.
Don’t worry, this isn’t a scary party story. However, waking up this morning was weird because though I slept alone and didn’t make any risky choices last night, it was the first time I’ve really been out and social since Shad broke up with me. I still worry a lot about his feelings even though I don’t want to be with him now. So as I over think everything, I still felt bad for sleeping over at a boys house. But they do have a nice girl roommate so I guess it’s not that bad.^^
Today as I said I’ve just been thinking… I’ll admit I’ve had some feelings of shame just because I’m worried parties result in fake friends. My first year here as I’ve mentioned before, the friends I partied with made up rumours about me and them. I will admit to myself that I’m a playful drunk. But things like kissing/sex are not me. To be honest, I’m not really interested in those things at all for myself. But I think it’s easy to be taken the wrong way.
But, I’ll hope that these people are different. I’m trying to understand that some people just suck. It doesn’t mean they all have to. I don’t want to take every shitty person I run into too personally. And I don’t want to be scared to meet people in fear that they’ll be a shitty person. I’ve missed out on a lot I think the past couple of years thinking that way.