You guys will be so sick of hearing this… but I’m so busy! It’s weird how rewarding it feels. The only downside is I feel like I must constantly be doing something. I think I need to meditate again because I’m starting to get shaky when I’m just sitting still. Even typing this I feel shaky because I feel I should be doing important things. I’m not used to having so much positive things going on.
I am stressed, but it’s just the not knowing. Not knowing if the studying will get me an A on the test. Not knowing if I’ll Ace every class this semester. Not knowing if I’ll get to study abroad. Not knowing if I’ll make real friends.
But I’m doing my best in all areas. I’ve officially started the study abroad process. I typed up my first drafts of essays and sent them to be edited. I have three professors, all in my language, who have agreed to be responses for me. The support I’m getting from my professors really warms my heart. During my Biology studies I only felt support from one professor who helped me get my current job. But being surrounded by all these professors and students that just want you to succeed is so crazy.
For the first time I feel like a real college student. People say hello to me on campus. I’m part of a club. I’m trying to make study dates, and gym friends. I have people who walk to the bus stop with me. I still feel like I don’t have friends… But these people… Their smiling faces make me happy for every week day. On my weekends I can’t wait to go back to campus to see them all. Every Friday I’m happy for Japan club even though I feel awkward and shy still. I can feel my confidence slowly coming back and I try harder to reach out to others. And I’m not as afraid to joke and be my true weird self.
I can’t believe how far I’ve come in a year. My anxiety is still very high due to all the things I’m stressing about. I can’t just accept I’m doing my best. I want to know I’m doing my best by seeing all the A’s and acceptance to a study abroad program and the financial aid to support it.
I’m really excited to see how this year progresses. I hope I can keep having a positive attitude about situations and know that my anxiety doesn’t have to be a constant weakness.
Oh, you guys will be happy that the Autumn has been inspiring me. When I have more time I’ll be uploading some photos. Probably a decent bit since I missed September Picture Post. Or maybe I’ll just wait until the end of this month and give you a huge compilation. We’ll see!
Thank you for always listening<3