What’s My Age Again!?

Thank you Blink 182 for singing the song that now finally fits my life perfectly. I’ll be 23 in November. That used to seem so old. It still does… But as far as feeling old. I keep waiting for that. People say things like such and such movie came out 20 years ago. Comments like that make me sound old, but I never feel old. Honestly, I creep myself out because I feel so young!

One of my best friends from high school announced his wedding date today. About a month ago my other best friend told me his wife was a few weeks pregnant. Many others I graduated are engaged, married, pregnant, have had a baby, or have had two!

Here I am, thinking about pizza and how I want to pout I can’t eat gluten. I used to be a little jealous when my friends would announce pregnancy or marriages. I thought, you’ve been with that person only a year or less… Sometimes I wanted the same thing because it all looks so happy and blessed. I know everything is a lot of work, but I feel like having someone to love is a very precious thing. It’s something I can never imagine for myself, so that’s probably why the idea is so beautiful to me.

But right now, maybe just because I’ve recently split from my only relationship, dating and families have absolutely no place for me at this age. I think there are many benefits to having a baby young. I definitely do NOT judge anyone badly for having babies and getting married young. I think it’s wonderful if that’s what your life is. But for me personally, I have so many selfish things I want to do. I’ve never been selfish in my life as far as its direction goes. As of now, I don’t know if I ever want to stop being selfish.

I have so much growing to do as a person. I thought I had everything all figured out in life. But this past year has shown me I have so much to learn about myself. I need to grow on my own. ON MY OWN. For once.

I have a long way to go before I’m comfortable with who I am. I know that. And I can feel it. I miss the comfort of having someone to lay beside. But I think once I know who I am and what I want, I’ll be so happy. That scares and excites me. I just want to grow as an individual. So to anyone who ever feels bad about being the ‘single one’ in their group. Don’t. Focus on yourself. The rest falls into place.

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