I’m mostly venting in disappointment of myself right now. But also trying to write down these feelings so I can use them in future essays.
I’ve hit the road block of this semester I think. I’m tired of my job. The people there are miserable and always complaining and it’s hard to keep happy in an environment like that. We had a huge misunderstanding, well multiple misunderstandings, that resulted in me basically having to play camp counselor to my superiors. I had to miss a class, and basically I always end up in this situation at work, and I want to work with people that can act professionally.
Also, I’m dealing with the consequences of my first year of college. As you know, I began my studies at university, then transferred to community college for cheaper cost. Now I’m back at uni, in love with my classes, and wanting to study abroad. However… My second semester of college my freshman year, I went into a deep depression. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life, and everything from relationships, friendships, and family were crumbling around me. Not that any of those things had ever been stable… but still. I had thought college would be a change for my life, and it wasn’t. So my grades really reflected that and dropped my gpa down to a 2.something.
Now I’m dealing with that. I want to study abroad more than anything, but I’m worried about getting scholarships. Even if I 4.0 all my courses this semester, I’m still shy of a 3.0. So far advisers have said not to worry. But I worry. It kills me that those awful feelings from back then could ruin something to positive for my future. When I’m finally trying to move on and do my best and try happiness, those things still come back to haunt me.
But maybe it’s test I guess… I still just want to do my best.