This was the first week of classes and my first week as a Japanese major! And holy moly was it crazy emotionally!
At the start of the week I was very full of anxiety, stress, and sadness. I was so overwhelmed. It took me a few days to figure out why, but I realized that I was scared. I am so scared of failing. Before college never was a big deal to me because I wasn’t even doing what I wanted. I was simply focused on getting a Biology degree to make my family impressed with me. I didn’t care about my grades as long as I passed and I was just trying to kill time until it was all over. But now I’m doing something I’ve wanted since I was a little one. And I don’t want to let myself down. It’s challenging right now to realize I have to put a lot of work into it since I’ve never committed myself before. But I think I enjoy it.
I loooove my language class! I, yes me, actually started a study group! It was by accident… but I haven’t felt like a ‘leader’ since elementary school when I had confidence in myself. So it was a huge moment really. I even signed up to join a Japan club on campus. So I really am I trying my best to be more comfortable with myself.
I did however have to quit one of my jobs. It turns out I have a lot of reading and things I must do on my own and there simply was not enough time in the day. I was getting up at 5 a.m most days (if I even slept) and by the time I got home around 6 I would just crash out. I was already exhausted. I always feel miserable about quitting things. I feel like I should be able to handle it all so I hate when I can’t. But school is my number one priority. And once I found out about Japan club, I was excited to have more time to commit to my passion. Extra money is nice… but it really isn’t everything.
I feel refreshed today after a huge storm last night. I slept well, woke up early (compared to usual) and have already passed two hours working on course work. Right now I’m on break;)
I’m feeling really good about this year. This week was just testing the waters, so now I am hoping in the next couple weeks I can get a good routine going that also allows me to go to the gym and eat better as well.
love you all<3