I wish I could go to therapy once every two weeks. It’s amazing how just talking things out can clear your mind so much. (Well…I suppose that’s why I should make friends.)
I had therapy yesterday, since as you guys can tell, I was kind of in a pickle. I felt like something in me was going to break, and I never want to be where I was a year ago, struggling just to go on.
Talking in therapy yesterday made me realise I don’t give myself enough credit. I really have come such a long way in just this past year when it comes to my own emotional strength. Yeah, I’m hurting pretty bad… but at least I’m feeling. Typically in situations like these I shut everything down. Then in another year or so I would have just exploded after repressing the rest of the challenges I’m sure I’ll face. But I’ve been trying to cope to the best I know how right now. And I should be proud of that.
I even chatted with Shad about how we need to lighten up our living situation so it’s not so suffocating and suggested ways to do so. It’s still hard seeing him every day, and I don’t think it’ll ever get easy, and honestly will just make the moment we actually walk our separate ways harder, but there has been big improvement at least today. He’s been very considerate of the stuff we’ve encountered today. So that is a huge relief. I’m still on edge, but I’m trying to also remember not to take everything so personally.
I have to keep reminding myself, ‘All I can do is clear my head and keep moving forward.’ Despite my heart hurting, and I guess my pride, there is so much I’m looking forward to. There is so much I want to gain, and I’m hoping soon the pain won’t be so bad and I’ll be heading towards brighter days. I’m starting to feel that if I truly work hard and believe in myself, this could be a year that changes my life.