Anything To Feel Alive

I’m a little down in the dumps and felt like writing. Maybe it’s the full moon coming. Maybe it’s that time of the month coming. Maybe it’s because I compare my life to others too much.

That’s the downfall I’m finding with Youtube I guess. I get to subscribe to all of these amazing people and see them laugh and get to know them through the portions of their lives they share, and I have to admit, it makes me feel a little lonely.

They are always having great times with friends, and what do I have anymore? A friend from high school came to visit me last night and we had fun, and I wish… I wish I could have fun. I wish I could laugh all the time and smile. But then I’m jaded to friendships. Because they always simply think of themselves. The people I know in this city don’t care about anything else. And that’s just how it is. I always say… I’ll make friends, but what’s the point when they all turn out the same?

Everyone always seems so different to me, besides the ones that are out of reach.

School is approaching and maybe I’m just stressing that I’ll be stressed throughout the semester. All I know is I feel lonely. Living with my ex isn’t bad or hard, but I think it makes the loneliness feel stronger. Honestly, I don’t want back together, but I miss having someone to hold my sometimes. That’s the only thing I feel I’ve lost. I miss that a lot.

I try to focus on all that I’ve gained. But sometimes there are just days like today.

Today I am sad.

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