Where Have I Been?

I haven’t really posted anything worthwhile for quite some time in my own opinion. And I’m sorry about that. I feel that when I first started my blog I had so much I wanted to say, but recently I’ve felt so blocked off.

I guess we all go through phases like that. It’s weird because for the first time I felt like I couldn’t release any tension by writing my words. I was a little distraught honestly. Though I don’t communicate with any of you very personally, this has always been a place where I can express my feelings in a non-judgmental way. So for the first time in a bit, not being able to express myself left me feeling very alone.

I became overwhelmed perhaps. The summer has started and I had all these great goals, but seem to not be focusing my best on them. (Or at least I think that way since I always assume I can be doing better.) I am looking for a third job which has caused some stress that I’ll be working three jobs and going to school full time in the fall. And also (this is good but stressful) I was told I can apply to study abroad next fall! That’s only a year away! To most that seems like plenty of time, but to me it’s sheer panic! Money, applications, essays, etc. All things I have to plan for. And everything is on deadlines, so I can’t just do it whenever I want, I have to wait for certain times to complete certain tasks, and that drives me crazy.

But, I’m trying not to be negative about it. I’m trying believe that as long as I do what needs to be done, if it was meant to be, it will happen.

The gluten thing has had me down too. I suppose I’m getting better at saying no, but I lose confidence in myself as my will power to say no to gluten wavers. My anxiety has been rough the past week, and I always fear of going back to that super dark place. I never want to think that way again for the rest of my life to that extreme.

But the past couple of days I have been trying to do some things on youtube and practice digital art. You know, things that will make me smile. And I hope I can put more energy back into this blog.

You guys after all I think helped me come so far as quickly as I did. Thank you for your support even if my content isn’t always up to par.<3

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2 thoughts on “Where Have I Been?

  1. That’s exactly what I do. I have two blogs and a journal…and sometimes I feel like words can’t help, and I block them out. I shut down, ignore blogging and any form of writing entirely. I set a lot of goals, and always feel I could do better, and I push myself and push myself and push myself. I have one degree and I’m working on a second. I’m hard on myself with school, overwhlem myself with ways to pay for it, and work myself to my breaking point. Regardless of your stresses or doubts you have with yourself, you’re not alone!!!

    1. Thank you very much for your comment! I think it’s so easy to just block everything out instead of trying to deal with it. But I hope that you’ll do great on your second degree! I’m always feeling like I don’t do enough, then I too get to that breaking point, but I suppose we should try to focus on the things we accomplish? Best of luck!<3

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