I guess I’ll just start by saying this post is more for me than for you in complete honesty. I’m the type of person who often feels better once I write my feelings out. That way I suppose in a small sense they are being expressed and I’m not holding it in. I hate to actually talk about my problems because I don’t believe people care and if they did, I hate burdening others with my issues.
Recently though I can feel my anxiety deep in my chest trying very hard to resurface. Unfortunately I feel I’m very close to caving in. The fear of it being as it was starts to become overwhelming and it’s hard to keep fighting.
But I think my anxiety is only pushing because I’m making such big choices right now. I’m figuring out university. I sign up for classes this week and sign my major and minor slips. Things are starting to become real. I’m starting to feel the doubts; what if I can’t do it? What if I fail? What if it’s not what I thought? What if this isn’t a good idea?
I feel I have to fight my feelings and thoughts so much lately. I’m just getting tired.
I’m scared for something Shad is planning. I’m scared of failure. I’m scared of landing a second job and letting them down. I’m scared of letting myself down. I’m scared to lose to something as silly as anxiety. That’s the hardest part for me really…
Being able to think about how silly anxiety is. Just getting worked up over these things? Just doubting myself. Is it really that hard to just believe in myself?
I’m not sure lately.
All I know is I have to keep trying to breathe and remember to seek out the moments I like to photograph.