Many people dread falling into a serious relationship because they fear that as soon as they make that commitment, their lives are over.
I often get that from some family members. Since Shad is my first “real” long term boyfriend and we met when I was fifteen, I often hear; “Are you sure he’s the one you want to be with?” “Shouldn’t you test the waters more?” “Aren’t there things you still want to do?”
And of course I’ve asked myself all of these questions and then some. How do you decide where to draw the line as far as freedom goes in a relationship?
Something that has had me down the past few months is about my own freedom in my relationship. I’m finally at a point where I believe there are things I hope to do. The first on that is to study abroad in Japan. Shad completely supports me, but I’m full of worry. Isn’t this selfish of me to just leave him for four months? How can I drop the animals on him? How can I expect him to wait for me? He of course doesn’t view it like this. But I’m a worry wort and always wonder how I would feel if he left me that way. But then, how would I feel towards him if I didn’t strive for one of my dreams because of him? I’m sure I would feel resentment.
But then today Shad mentioned he wanted to go on a trip for a month, hiking with friends. He paused to asses my emotions. Shad’s always wanted to do things like that since I’ve met him. And just as I’m growing into my passions he is too. So it hit me today…Freedom in a relationship is support.
I held back my own fears of him making this trip and simply asked about his plan so far. When the conversation neared an end he said; “I was expecting you to fight me.” And yeah, I wanted to. I wanted to tell him he could die. I wanted to cry and tell him we wouldn’t get to talk for a month. How would I know if he was okay? What if something happened? What would I do on my own?
But I told him;
“Who am I to hold someone back from their dreams?”
I think that’s the biggest thing people should remember in a relationship. Shad and I have been together so long and worked so hard to make the other person happy, we both forgot about our dreams. We both began to hate ourselves a little with out knowing why. As I’ve been pulling myself out of this phase, it’s left me questioning him. Will he ever find his way out too?
But today, supporting his dream, I saw that little hint of happiness and adventure. That look of; I’m going to accomplish something.
I think we all have journeys we must travel in our lives. All too often we become scared or let other influences stop us.
I do believe relationships can put an end to a lot of dreams; but it’s not hard to get them back. You just need someone who will support you.
It is possible to keep a relationship and still follow your own path.
It’s a lot more difficult, and you never know how it will end up, but you can’t change anything without being will to make some sacrifices.
Never be bitter towards someone for “halting your dreams”. They are your dreams, and your decisions alone. If someone truly loves you, they would never want to hold you back from that.