With A Heavy Heart

I’m writing this today with a heavy heart. Those of you that follow my blog…though you are strangers, I feel as if I can let my words be known. I can express myself to others and not feel un-rightly judged. I want to begin by saying thank you. I have some-what implied that I’ve been dealing with some situations. It seems this month is testing me.

Firstly, I found out someone very, very dear to me as been involved with some very hard drugs. I do not wish to dig too deep into this matter as it is not really my place to explain.

My main purpose of this post is to give tribute to one of my best friends: Shadow Raven.

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Yes, she’s a dog. I love animals with everything that my heart has to offer. Naturally, animals that come into my life are literally family to me. My dear Shadow was put to sleep last night. Apparently she had cancer and was having many complications. My parents felt it would be best for her comfort that we let her go. I posted over the summer about my first pet, Rascal passing away as well. With the two of them gone I truly feel lost. What do I go home for? Of course I have my human family; but what no one understands is that these two creature pulled me through some of the worst times of my life.

I hated home. But these two were always there for me with purrs and tail wags. Shadow was our first dog as a family. She was my younger step-sister’s protector, and she was my savior. Shadow was just as odd as I was. Constantly yelled at for barking, and always being told how crazy she was. She was perfect to me. And the best cuddler there was.

Shadow always knew when I was sad, and I always knew when she was sad. She understood me, and I understood her. Together we passed the days in my room, dancing to music, drawing picture, and talking about better things. We’d plot adventures to run away together. We’d find a better world.

The biggest thing that breaks my heart; as it does with each time my animals have passed; I’m never there. I never get that final good-bye. I never get to tell them again I love them. I feel that most things know when it’s their time to pass. I could see extra sadness in Shadow’s eyes every time I would leave the past two visits I’ve been home. Almost as if they were saying; “Will I ever see you again?”

I didn’t know she was as sick as she was. I didn’t know she wouldn’t last until Thanksgiving. I know that home will never feel the same. And I’m sad when I get my puppy he will never be able to meet one of the best dogs in my life.

Shadow, thank you for all the strength you gave me back then. You truly are my hero and my best friend. I love you so much.

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