20-Something

So lately I’ve been thinking loads about my past, present and future. Probably because my birthday is Sunday and I’m turning 22. Many people reading this may be older and thinking, “Goodness, you child, I wish I was turning 22 this year.” But for myself, and probably many others around this age, it feels like time is short!

When I was younger I always thought that my young 20’s were the years I would make something of myself. Everything would finally go my way for once. I’d have my own place, an amazing job, and almost a perfect degree, with honors of course. I’d be a single gal with the world at my finger tips. I’d be traveling. I’d be studying wolves up close. I’d be living the dream.

However, my reality isn’t exactly like that. But it’s not all bad.

I’m learning that these young 20’s are for me to invent myself. And let me tell you…There’s been a whole lot of that going on these past few months. Coming down with this anxiety problem, as awful as it can be, has really made me grow as a person. Instead of looking at what I thought I would have, I’m looking at what I do have.

I do have my own place. I’m not single, but why is that bad? Why did I even fantasize that? Though relationships can be tough, I wouldn’t trade a thing for the support I have from Shad. No matter what obstacles we face together, I will always be grateful to have met him.

So college isn’t what I dreamed it would be. I’m learning that these 20’s are for myself. I feel many of us growing up try so hard to impress others. Friends, and especially family, burden many of our decisions. Then all of a sudden here we are out on our own having to make so many choices. For awhile I think it’s easy to become unhappy. You have to make all these choices alone and yet you’re still wondering; who will I let down?

It’s so easy to let down ourselves. The past couple of days I’ve spent thinking of how much time I’ve wasted. All the things I haven’t accomplished. Everyone who will probably always find me to be a disappointment. How I’m almost 22 and I haven’t figured anything out. Have I even accomplished a single thing?

I think I’m done being depressed about it. I think I’m tired of worrying about what I haven’t accomplished. I think that things are supposed to go wrong in these 20-somethings.

I’ve learned the biggest lessons of my life so far these past couple of years. Forgiveness, compromise, understanding. And I still have so much to learn. I still have so much time to accomplish my dreams. Instead of thinking of all this “wasted time” that hasn’t been wasted at all, I want to focus on all this time I have, and what I can make of it.

The biggest advice I can give to those of you feeling the same; these are YOUR years. Don’t let anyone steal that away from you. Yes, it feels amazing to get praise from others. It’s awful to think that no one supports your choices. But are you really winning if getting their approval makes you miserable? It’s not always easy, but do what makes you happy.

These are our 20-somethings. I think we can make dreams come true. :3

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