Tuesday Blues

Whenever I post during the week you should just assume I’m killing time at work. I’m actually excited and hoping things will get busy soon. It feels weird doing homework and blogging when I’m at my job.

I guess today I’m feeling a little lost. The hard thing about learning to accept yourself is figuring out who you really are/what  you really want. And learning to balance it all. Now that I feel I’m becoming closer to myself, I have the thoughts of, is the path I’ve been on what I really want? Is this really me? Yes, it’s all made me grow, but is there more? I don’t want to give up on anything I have because it’s brought me this far. But I do still feel maybe sometimes you must journey alone. Who knows though…This feeling usually fades. But as usual I go to nature to calm me. It’s always most enjoyable on Tuesdays and Thursdays since I have a half hour before work after my Meditation class. I wish I would have had more time today!

Typically I sit in the same area on this trail near my work. I lay down my sweater and bag and sit with them and enjoy the sounds and the sun.

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Today I even brought a little snack for myself and to share with whatever stumbles across my leftovers.

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Normally I’m content sitting here for the 30 minutes, but today I really wanted to go exploring. I wish I would have had more time to walk down to the stream.

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Usually when I first start exploring I only notice things like this. But the more I begin to feel like this is home, the real treasures start to shine.

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I was searching a web for a spider when I noticed this guy right in front of me. I wondered if he hung out by the web to steal some bugs from the spider. Sadly, there wasn’t a spider in the web at that moment.

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I found one though when all I wanted was to get a picture of the flower! He even had a small bee type bug in his mouth. (I had been trying to get a photo of those earlier, but they wouldn’t sit still.) I’m always surprised my phone can get decent images like these.

Shad and I watched a documentary last night of a couple who lived in the wilderness for a year for their honeymoon. It was beautiful. And they were mostly tracking wolves! (My favorite animal.) I would love to do something like that…But my fears stop me. I feel once I got past not having the simple luxuries we live with; I would never want to return to this life. I think that the “wild” is something everyone misses in their lives, whether it’s realized or not. I think everyone feels like something is missing sometimes. Like they’re just drifting. What’s the point in this life? Sometimes I feel we’ve stripped away all we were supposed to be for this comfortable life we live. But I think once something is realized, all you can do is do your best to make a life you’re comfortable with. I hope I can figure that out for myself.

Enjoy your day/evening/night everyone.

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