I still can’t find a way to full convey what I went through the past couple of weeks with my anxiety, so as I’m trying to keep pushing forward, I’ll simply share that kind of news with you instead of trekking back to the past.
My biggest source of “sanity” I suppose you could say has been nature.
Ever since I was a tiny tot, most of my time was spent outside. I love nature and I adore animals, and I even get the need for adventure. Ever since moving from my small town to a city for college, I’ve learned I don’t get out as much as I should. Nature is a big part of who I am, and I’m wondering if losing my connection with nature is one of the reasons I’ve become so disconnected with myself.
I can’t say there’s much to do outside in the city. Even the woods don’t feel that safe to tread alone, but even just sitting outside my little house, I feel more at ease. I truly need to take the time to notice these little things again. Growing up nature brought me comfort; I think I need to let it comfort me once again.
We were getting a lot of rain last week and the area outside my place was covered in these snails! I had never seen blue snails before. This one was so tiny and so cute. I think seeing all of these snails was the first time that I had felt really happy since this all began. I felt wonder and hope for myself. It still scares me to think of hope. But every time I see something new in nature; something beautiful; I can’t help but feel that way.
Even sitting outside of a friends house brings a sense of peace. My friends can all enjoy a few beers, while I enjoy a friendly furry face with my toes in the grass. Sure, kids my age don’t understand why I don’t partake in the booze filled life as often as most, but this I think is what makes me happy. Moments like this. Look at this dogs smiley face!
Shad has finally caved in and said we can get a puppy! It could be up to a year until we get the type of puppy that I want, but it gives me something to look forward to.
I know it sounds cheesy and cliche, but truly…When you feel like you’ve hit rock bottom and nothing in life makes sense; spend some time outside. Sometimes nature can heal even the deepest of wounds. I know I would be lost with out it. I can’t wait to leave the city one day and surround myself in what I truly believe is important.
I hope you all are well. Take care! :3