I made a post before about my true friend where I skim my basics of friendships.
Generally I feel friendships are a waste of time. Yet, there are many days I wish I knew how to form them. My boyfriend graduated in the class of ’08. These kids were for some reason my idols. They were wild, free, crazy…but mostly they were all so close. I wanted that for my class. Now as much as I longed to be apart of the closeness of ’08, I was merely an underclassmen. My class however wasn’t so close. We weren’t “cliquey’ like most classes, and for the most part we could all hang out and get along, but we were very well divided on who was bffs with who.
As I think I mentioned, my group didn’t turn out to be the best of people to me. (However much I love all but one of them to death.) I think we grouped together for our longing of something more…we wanted adventure and excitement in our dull high school lives. Our not so supportive parents, our not so accepting friends…We wanted an escape from that. So, we grazed the border of the life of the ’08’s and lived the best we could through them.
I still notice the ’08’s, and of all things for me to be jealous of, it’s funny I pick their friendships. Through thick and thin they seem to just mesh right back to one another. Through all the drama and terrible things they say behind one anothers back, they always reunite.
I wonder a lot…Why did I never make friendships like that? But I guess I would only have myself to blame, right? You can’t exactly make a life long friend when you refuse to let anyone through your shell. I pretend to fit the atmosphere I’m placed into. The kids I grew up with I suppose never really knew me. Other than a select few.
How can I envy something that I’ve never really wanted? Though how can I say I never really wanted that, when some days it’s my biggest wish?
In a psychology class I am dubbed as what they call an introvert. Among many other labels that I can’t help but think about. They plague me really, but as they say “if the shoe fits”.
I don’t think the human mind is very fair. Conflicting thoughts like that…
But I’m just rambling because I’m spending another night alone because I don’t know how to act like a typical college student.
It’s thirsty Thursday and I’m not all too thirsty. Though sometimes I wish I was.