It’s summer time for many of us college students, so that means my job just got a whole lot easier. I work in a Biology lab at a college, but since the summer bio classes just ended, we’re basically free birds now. We’re going to spend the next two months cleaning and re-doing lab manuals, but to be honest, we’ve started all of that and are almost finished.
Though the day goes extremely slow I can’t really complained that they pay me to hang out, work on my own summer classes, and even try and study Japanese. Or right now… just posting a little update at work.
I had another panic/anxiety attack at work last week. It didn’t last as long as the first. Then a couple days later I was on the verge of one at home, but I think I calmed myself down. After spending a few days upset and worried this is my life, I decided, no, this isn’t going to beat me. Why these have started occurring I’m not sure, but I know I’m not going to continue to let it happen.
I’ve always stressed about everything. I strive for perfection, even though nothing is every really good enough. I think those feelings have just caught up with me. I’ve decided I need to learn to be more calm and accepting of who I am and understand that not everything will be flawless. And I should honestly admire the flaws in my life.
I’d like to practice mediation. For now I simply focus on breathing. In. Out. In. Out. I feel like I’ve already become more relaxed these past couple of days. I would also like to start paying more attention to the way I eat. I was home alone a lot growing up and basically always ate junk food. Since I’m fortunate to have a high metabolism, I’ve also never had to watch my weight. But I think nutrition plays a huge role in how you feel. So I’d like to try to steer more towards foods that I don’t really enjoy, but my body will be happy for.
Also some ways I’ve been using to de-stress are getting back into old hobbies. I love art! But I always feel like I don’t have time to do it. Honestly, I copy most things I draw so I can’t say I’m creative, but I do feel if I can re-create what others do, good for me. I always add my own details to make the picture more of what I would want anyway. I did this other day:
I copied the body forms. I’m not sure who the original artist of the forms is, other wise I would post it. I simply just made the picture black and white with my own shading preferences and added the angel/devil theme with her tears. Drawing and painting really calm me. I never realize the hours are passing when I’m wrapped up in art.
Shad and I also went to the lake on Sunday. I also love nature and spending the day in the sun listening to the waves crash onto the shore reminded me that I need to make more time for nature as well.
I feel like my soul needs these simply things. I get too caught up in living this life that I feel I’m forced into. I can’t stand college and I can’t stand living in a city, even though mine is small. But I want to focus on more positive things than negative. I want to make time for what I truly enjoy. Stop stressing so much about money and grades. Sure they have their importance.
But there is so much more to life then the things we were simply forced into caring about.