As far as my open medias go, there has been a part of my current life that I try not to be too public about. As I wrote about once before, sometimes I have had moments where I feel extremely overwhelmed being a person that shares all parts of me on the internet. However, certain events have made me feel like writing about this, at least for those that know me to see. Which this is a first… I never write with the intention of the people I see in real life. So, how do I keep enough personal while also getting my point across… this is new to me.
I am currently experiencing a new relationship. An actual one, like, we say boyfriend and girlfriend and shit. He asked me himself to be all official; do guys still do that? It’s really gross, but also equally, if not more, enjoyable.
Though I constantly want to brag about him, post my little stalker photos, or super awesome supportive words he sends to me via snapchat, I decided that at least for the time being, I want to enjoy these little things just for myself. I feel lucky for what I’m experiencing right now, and frankly, it’s no one else’s business.
However, not everyone can see it this way. And one thing I’m honestly sick and tired of, not only in terms of relationships, but in general, is how girls are always pitted against one another. I have no hard feelings.
Something that everyone hopefully matures enough to understand is that each and every one of us has a past. All of us have hurt others somehow. Made silly or big mistakes. Said things we shouldn’t. Slept with people we maybe think we could have skipped over. Etc. But for some reason, some people can’t accept this, and want to force this into a relationship that isn’t theres.
I’m not sure how to word this as a general statement, so I’ll just state it purely from my experience in direction to those that continue to confront me. The one’s who find themselves most concerned in this area of my life, don’t know me on the level to warrant a care. Constantly trying to stir drama between myself and other girls of the past, or girls that are friends, etc, it’s more showing of who you are as a person than anything else.
In relationships everyone has insecurities. It’s not an easy thing to trust an individual with your feelings, and when others try to burst in with their own doubts and mischief…How do I turn this around as a learning experience…
I guess my own personal experience aside, the bottom line is, people will try to lessen what you have. I have experienced a lot of that the past year, and I listened to it. People who claimed to have supported me when I went abroad suddenly made me feel bad for having gone by acting as if I was privileged. Graduating university was met with ignorance and then words of I’m not doing enough now. And now my personal relationships for some reason are under evaluation as well.
I think it’s important to notice your own success and the things that you are aiming for. I couldn’t see that for some reason before when I returned from Japan. I worked very hard to go to Japan, and I did it on my own. I made my own way through university. And I’m making my own way now. Though support from others is always warming, it’s not needed to kick ass and be the person you want to be.
So focus on yourselves. I say in both a positive and aggressive way. Focus on accomplishing your own goals and your own happiness, and shut the fuck up when it comes to the lives of other people.